Monday, April 18, 2005

Yeah... so this totally sucks

Ok, it's 12:14 a.m. on a Tuesday morning as I'm starting to write my very first blog. So 1 of 2 things has happened... either I'm a homo, or I've just had a life-changing experience. For now, it's very much the latter.

Ugh, where to start. I was sitting here innocently enough, drinking a few Newcastles and watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Awful night under any circumstances. Leave it to me to make it worse. I stink.

The stupid movie deals with erasing the memory of an ex-girlfriend so one can move on. I usually find that the best way to do this is to use my minor local celebrity status to bang a 19 year old hooters girl, or maybe an asian stripper in Towson. But that's beside the point. So, the awful movie gets me to thinking about something I often think about when I'm drinking alone... my love life. Specifically, the one that got away... Summer. I mean, it's coming up on the 5 year "anniversary" of her ripping my heart out, so you'd think I would be over it by now. But I've always held this little hope that some day...

Well, not any more. I have googled her often over the last few years to see what she's up to. Not going to lie. I've done worse, actually, but I won't get into that. Actually ran into her in a bookstore a year and a half ago or so, but didn't even say anything. Neither did she, although she went out of her way to make her presence known. Anywho, this time I decided to use Yahoo! instead of google. Put the quotes around her name and everything. Big mistake. BIG mistake.

What popped up, you ask? Well, only her BRIDAL REGISTRY to Bed, Bath and Beyond, Crate and Barrell, and a few other stores I couldn't read through the vomit on my computer screen. Her fucking wedding was Oct. 9, 2004. It's already happened. She's married. Her and her HUSBAND live right up the street from me. I haven't had a serious relationship in 3 years. I haven't been in love in 5. I'm a fucking successful, somewhat happy person. And the only person I've ever found who did it for me was her. I've never felt that way about someone before, and I'd give up almost anything I have to have another CHANCE at that relationship again. And it will never happen.

I know, it's closure, blah blah blah. No it's not. Closure was over a long time ago. It's a fucking wakeup call. I need to do something. I have wanted that kind of relationship for 5 years. What the fuck is with me that I haven't found it? What can I do? And how the hell could she marry a guy named Dylan. UGH.